Emotionally Abused Obese Wives: Reflections Poem by Gloria (My Mother)
>> Tuesday, July 14, 2009
REFLECTIONS
by My Mother, Gloria
Hard at times to find ones way
When reflections blur the facts
Denying self the ability to face
Truths we desperately want to deny
Mistakes we struggle to correct
Failing so miserably, we remain trapped
Self made martyr residing to live
in this sorrowful state
The mind full of reflections of the good
Denies the heart, as it speaks the truth of reality
The kind words spoken then retracted
The hand of love extended, filled with demands
The mind and heart filled with love
Desires harmony making excuses for what is not
Time passes and the wrong seems the norm
One gets lost, fulfilling the needs of others
The others leave, finding their own way
Loneliness sets in quickly, in the silence
The time in ones life to share love
Is now likely to never transpire
The only reprieve is to be rescued
By the very thing that is now causing the pain
by My Mother, Gloria
Hard at times to find ones way
When reflections blur the facts
Denying self the ability to face
Truths we desperately want to deny
Mistakes we struggle to correct
Failing so miserably, we remain trapped
Self made martyr residing to live
in this sorrowful state
The mind full of reflections of the good
Denies the heart, as it speaks the truth of reality
The kind words spoken then retracted
The hand of love extended, filled with demands
The mind and heart filled with love
Desires harmony making excuses for what is not
Time passes and the wrong seems the norm
One gets lost, fulfilling the needs of others
The others leave, finding their own way
Loneliness sets in quickly, in the silence
The time in ones life to share love
Is now likely to never transpire
The only reprieve is to be rescued
By the very thing that is now causing the pain
"If every time the one you love was hit with words that control and take away self-esteem and if it were to leave a bruise on your friend or family member-- would you encourage her to him to stay in the situation? I think not-- but too many times the one in the verbal situation feels embarrassed to even hint that such a thing is happening." Gloria
Every time I read this poem by my mother and her comment that follows, the tears start flowing. After three decades of "taking it" and "hoping he would change", she's finally decided to divorce the man who treated her like crap on a daily basis.
My mother is truly an angel who treated my stepfather with nothing but love and kindness throughout their entire marriage...despite not receiving the same in return. The loneliness she writes about in the poem isn't about lack of friends, she has a multitude of them, it's the loneliness felt in a one-side gives all marriage.
Even though she dealt with cruel words about her weight (amongst other things) regularly, she never allowed them to affect her self-esteem or confidence--it was my stepfather's overall mean-spirit that finally drove her away.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me. On the contrary, when cruel utterances continually come from the mouth of someone you love, whether your self-esteem remains intact or not, the phrase is more like this one written by one of my mother's friends: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart.
Emotional abusers seem to have a built-in radar for tuning into the insecurities of the ones who love them and use it to their advantage. I know it's easier said than done if your inner-spirit has been completely broken, but please believe that you are beautiful and special and you do not deserve to be treated in such a manner.
Also know this...Whether my mother was smokin' hot or a bit heavy over the span of her marriage mattered not; So your weight has nothing to do with it! Regardless of how little or much you weigh, an asshole is an asshole. Losing a hundred pounds and having a tummy tuck will do nothing to change your man (or, if you're a man dealing with emotional abuse, your wife)--they'll just find something else to use against you.
Do you find yourself in a verbally abusive situation? If so, try to turn things around by seeking professional help, confiding in family and friends, or even through self-help methods such as books and positive articles. Even if you can't just "walk away", you can take steps to develop a positive self-image. Doing so will help slowly eat away at the power the emotional abuser has over you and give you control--even if only on the inside.
I LOVE YOU MOM...MAY THE REST OF YOUR GOLDEN YEARS BE THE HAPPIEST EVER!
Every time I read this poem by my mother and her comment that follows, the tears start flowing. After three decades of "taking it" and "hoping he would change", she's finally decided to divorce the man who treated her like crap on a daily basis.
My mother is truly an angel who treated my stepfather with nothing but love and kindness throughout their entire marriage...despite not receiving the same in return. The loneliness she writes about in the poem isn't about lack of friends, she has a multitude of them, it's the loneliness felt in a one-side gives all marriage.
Even though she dealt with cruel words about her weight (amongst other things) regularly, she never allowed them to affect her self-esteem or confidence--it was my stepfather's overall mean-spirit that finally drove her away.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me. On the contrary, when cruel utterances continually come from the mouth of someone you love, whether your self-esteem remains intact or not, the phrase is more like this one written by one of my mother's friends: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart.
Emotional abusers seem to have a built-in radar for tuning into the insecurities of the ones who love them and use it to their advantage. I know it's easier said than done if your inner-spirit has been completely broken, but please believe that you are beautiful and special and you do not deserve to be treated in such a manner.
Also know this...Whether my mother was smokin' hot or a bit heavy over the span of her marriage mattered not; So your weight has nothing to do with it! Regardless of how little or much you weigh, an asshole is an asshole. Losing a hundred pounds and having a tummy tuck will do nothing to change your man (or, if you're a man dealing with emotional abuse, your wife)--they'll just find something else to use against you.
Do you find yourself in a verbally abusive situation? If so, try to turn things around by seeking professional help, confiding in family and friends, or even through self-help methods such as books and positive articles. Even if you can't just "walk away", you can take steps to develop a positive self-image. Doing so will help slowly eat away at the power the emotional abuser has over you and give you control--even if only on the inside.
I LOVE YOU MOM...MAY THE REST OF YOUR GOLDEN YEARS BE THE HAPPIEST EVER!
8 comments:
Ahhhh this was spectacular and awesome.
These are such powerful words, and this poem spoke to me. I was in an abusive relationship with my son's biological father years ago. The abuse started when I became pregnant, and didn't stop when I had my son. In the midst of his physical abuse my son, who was not even a month old, was almost hurt, and that's what made me realize that I had to leave. I packed one suitcase, a stroller and carseat...and within two days I was literally on the opposite side of the country, and I haven't looked back. Almost nine years later, I'm living a simple and happy life with my husband, who is the most amazing father to my son. I congratulate your mom for doing what she needs to do, it's not always as easy to do as it seems. It will be difficult at first, but she will come out the other side of this a much stronger and happier woman. Thanks for sharing your heartfel story.
How amazing is your mother and congratulations to her for letting go:) I love this post! Thank you for sharing her poem:)
@QueenBee and Ms. Wanda, thank you for the kind words.
(((((((Multiple Personalities)))))))), I'm so happy you got yourself out of such a dreadful situation and, more importantly, that you've found true happiness. I really appreciate you opening us to myself and others, maybe it will touch the life of a woman in a similar situation.
~ Sandy
Oh my goodness! The poem offers peace and healing!
My first husband was an emotional abuser. To the point where his three oldest children have nothing to do with him. I am married to a man now that truly loves me as I am. I talked to him about losing weight once and he said, "What size are you?" I said, "22." He said, "Well 21 1/2 would be enough." May every person...man, woman, and child...find loving relationships that build rather than demolish.
Hi
Stumbled upon your blog via "One Sassy Girl"'s blog and the title of this post attracted my attention.
As a previous suffering of emotional and physical abuse in a 3 year relationship I could totally relate to what your mother had written. I'm glad she finally found the courage to leave. People are quick to judge sufferers that don't "just leave them". But it's just not that easy. And, contrary to popular belief, it CAN happen to anyone - not just the "weak" ones.
Have now moved on and married a lovely man who would never dream of doing a thing to hurt me and i'm just so glad I finally got the courage to end the last relationship.
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